I am not a big fan of change.

People who know me well understand that this is an almost inherent part of my being. It's Katie 101. 

For example: 

I don't want to grow up.

I don't want people to move away.

I don't want my favorite places in Columbia go out of business.

And, for the love of all that is holy, I do not want my mother to buy a new Christmas tree. 

Things are fine just the way they are, goshdarnit. 

I am not a big fan of people, either.

Alright, that's not entirely true--I love meeting people and hearing their stories and building relationships with them. I may be bad at showing it, but I love my friends and family more than anything in the world. I truly believe that ordinary people can be the most fascinating. People are actually kind of wonderful that way. 

What I hate is forced, awkward small talk. I hate being the center of attention in an unexpected way. I hate being in a big crowd and not knowing who to talk to. I hate marching up to someone I see on the street and saying hello. I'm friendly enough, but that doesn't mean I think the situation is ideal. 

As you can see, I am a blast at parties. 

How in the world did I end up on an evangelical mission trip? 

I really don't know. Ask Jesus. I don't think he feels as socially awkward as I do (But don't quote me on that. I'm trying to be funny, okay?). 

On Thursday, we will begin to travel across the country. I will be leaving this Spanish town I have grown to love and this house that I have called home. I will be staying in the homes of people I have never met in my life. I will literally be walking up to people I see on the street so I can tell them about Jesus.

It's all very exciting, but it's also very nerve-wracking. I simply do not know what to expect or how I will handle the next four weeks.

I mean, what if I mess up? What if I offend someone? What if I freeze when people challenge my beliefs? What if my Spanish doesn't improve?

What if, what if, what if. Again and again and again.

This is not limited to my experience in Spain. This is how I live a good 98% of my life. God gave me a beautiful, hyperactive imagination, but in my brokenness, it twists into something ugly: worry.

Sure, I've been worried about the immediate future, but I've also been worried about what waits for me back home. The life of a college graduate doesn't seem so glamorous when you realize that it just involves looking for a Real Job so you can enter the Real World and become an Adult. I worry about plenty of things that I simply cannot fix, and some of those wounds run deep.

God doesn't deal in 'what ifs,' because He wants us to live in the present. He wants us to let go because the things we tend to cling only hinder us from fulfilling our purpose here on Earth--whatever that purpose may be.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

-Matthew 7:34

These next four weeks are going to be crazy....but I'm sure they will be crazy awesome, too. I get to see more of this beautiful country, bond with the people I have met, and try new things. Really, I have no reason to be afraid. God is on my side.

I know that I will have days where I feel small and inadequate, but so did Moses. And Moses was kind of a big deal.

As for my return home?

I still don't have anything figured out.

All I know is that there is beauty in a blank page.

Let the adventure begin.